{"id":33560,"date":"2025-10-25T12:00:48","date_gmt":"2025-10-25T16:00:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/?p=33560"},"modified":"2025-10-22T10:07:36","modified_gmt":"2025-10-22T14:07:36","slug":"monsffas-halloween-special-post-1-of-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/?p=33560","title":{"rendered":"MonSFFA’s Halloween Special – Post 1 of 4"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>At this very moment, the club is holding its annual Super Sci-Fi Book Sale at our downtown meeting locale. As such, there is no interactive ZOOM-chat component included with this month\u2019s MonSFFA event.<\/p>\n

But for our out-of-town club members and friends, we do offer today, here online, a few Halloween-themed items of interest, culled from our meeting archives.<\/p>\n

This post has gone up at 12:00PM; we\u2019ll put up another three, at 1:00PM, 2:00PM, and 3:00PM. Check them out, and enjoy a little Halloween fun!\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Horror, The Horror<\/em>\u2026<\/strong><\/h1>\n

For your perusal, then, the following was featured as part of our DIY October 17, 2020 Virtual MonSFFA Meeting:\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

October 31st arrives soon and legend has it that Halloween, or All Hallows\u2019 Eve, is the night on which the veil between our corporeal world and the spirits\u2019 realm is at its thinnest, allowing a measure of intersection between the two. So we thought it prudent to offer a few important tips on how to live through these nocturnal hours. Here are our:\"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

1) NEVER SPLIT UP!<\/strong><\/p>\n

In any deadly encounter with an unspeakable, preternatural abomination, when you have the benefit of numbers, never<\/em> split up! Slap upside the head the idiot in your party who proposes a plan of action that involves your faction dividing its forces! Never, ever<\/em> follow such counsel! You\u2019d just be making it easier for the beastly terror to pick you all off one by one! By sticking together, at least one, or maybe two of you have a chance of making it out alive!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

2) NEVER INVESTIGATE THE SOURCE OF UNUSUAL SOUNDS!<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you hear a strangely unnatural or unanticipated loud noise, for Pete\u2019s sake, do not<\/em> volunteer to seek out its origin when your companions ask \u201cWhat was that?\u201d Under no circumstances should you go looking for what caused the noise in question! Appreciate that this is an audible clue, a hint, a sign, a portent<\/em> of something terrible lurking just around the corner! But if you do choose to throw caution to the wind and venture after the source of said noise, only to find that it appears to have just been the cat, you have mere moments to live! Run<\/em> in the hope that you\u2019ll prove sufficiently fleet of foot to evade a grisly demise, but fully expect to die!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

3) DON\u2019T LOOK IN THERE<\/em>!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Never open a closet door if you even in the least suspect that something other than someone\u2019s wardrobe is hanging within!<\/p>\n

By the same token, kids, what good does it do you to know what might be lurking under your bed, anyway? Why risk a peek? If a monster has<\/em> established itself below your box spring, you\u2019ll be up all night, too scared to sleep lest the creature come out from under there to get you while you slumber! And if there\u2019s nothing under your bed but dust bunnies, you\u2019ll be up all night worrying about when a monster might decide to take up residence! Either way, you won\u2019t be getting any sleep, so that being the case, ipso facto, you don\u2019t really need use of a bed, do you? Get up, go downstairs, and watch TV until it\u2019s time for breakfast!<\/p>\n

And ladies, take note, never<\/em> draw the shower curtain unless you are absolutely sure that the only thing behind that flimsy barrier is a bath tray holding a washcloth, luffa, bar of soap, and a bottle of shampoo! This is indispensable guidance to keep in mind, particularly if you are staying overnight at a remote roadside motel run by a clerk with mommy issues!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

4) ALWAYS RUN AWAY!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Animals, including human beings, are possessed of a primal instinct when faced with danger to either take on the threat, head-on, or to flee. Behavioral scientists refer to this innate impulse as the \u201cFight or Flight\u201d reflex. Particularly when dealing with entities evil, monstrous, or supernatural in nature, always choose \u201cFlight!\u201d I mean, do you really think you\u2019ll be able to take down a malevolent demon summoned from Perdition\u2019s flames with that baseball bat leaning up against the wall over there?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s very important to understand the physics of running away. When sprinting full-out for your life from a monster giving chase, understand that even though you are running at track-star speed and the monster is shambling along in plodding pursuit, it will invariably catch up with you! As a general rule, the monster\u2019s rate of gain is inversely proportional to the speed at which you are running.\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

This equation describes the reciprocal relationship between \u201cX<\/strong>\u201d, defined as your speed, and \u201cY<\/strong>\u201d, defined as the distance between you and the monster.\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

As your speed (X<\/strong>) increases, the distance between you and the monster (Y<\/strong>) decreases! If we then define escape as \u201cE\u201d, thus does the following mathematical statement describe your chances of success in that regard:\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

To further hamper your efforts, you can expect to trip and fall once or twice, more often if you are female! And, you can also anticipate entangling your clothing on something, or becoming pinned under a fallen tree trunk or some such, and so have to waste valuable seconds struggling to free yourself as the monster lumbers ever closer.<\/p>\n

If you drove to the scene, incidentally, should you actually make it back to your car in one piece, relieved that you can now speed away to safety, expect that you\u2019ll either fumble with and drop your keys, or that your automobile, inexplicably, won\u2019t start, even though mechanically, the vehicle was working just fine earlier!<\/p>\n

Your only real hope in such circumstances is that something comes into play which temporarily distracts the monster, causing it to break off its pursuit and allowing you an opportune moment to scram! Obviously, it is strongly<\/em> recommended that you take full advantage of such a moment!<\/p>\n

5) IF YOU THINK IT\u2019S SAFE TO GO IN, OR OUT ON THE WATER, THINK AGAIN!<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s never<\/em> safe to go in the water! Piranhas, barracudas, and sharks are the least of the dangers to be found beneath the waves! You just don\u2019t know what\u2019s down there! You have no idea<\/em> what shocking, scaly aberration may be swimming around below the surface, waiting to sink jagged teeth into parts of your anatomy, or wrap slimy digits or tentacles around your leg and pull you under! So swim quickly back to the beach and get to high ground if you hear someone calling out a command to \u201cRelease the Kraken!\u201d And never, for any reason whatsoever<\/em>, wade or dive into rank, murky swamp, brackish lagoon, chilling lake, or open ocean waters! I mean, do you really want to risk gruesome injury or even death just so you can snorkel dive, waterski, or skinny-dip with your girlfriend or boyfriend? Choose a safer option! If neither of you have a backyard pool, just run around together under a lawn sprinkler!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

And while you\u2019re on the water, never come up alongside and board any drifting, derelict, ship you may come across while at sea. To satisfactorily fulfill your maritime duty to lend assistance, note the wreck\u2019s position, radio it in to the Coast Guard, and let them deal with it! That\u2019s their job, after all! And given that you are not employed by the Coast Guard, be certain to remain aboard your own vessel at all times! However, if you do decide to board the decaying hulk under some misguided notion that there might be a number of poor souls still aboard, incapacitated and in need of aid, you may well be correct! There might<\/em> be a few, or perhaps many poor souls still aboard! But the thing is, they would surely be, at this point, just that: souls<\/em>! Likely of the cursed variety! And if these ghosts have not yet moved on to the other side, you don\u2019t want to stick around to find out why! Get off the ship posthaste!<\/p>\n

666) SPURN THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST!<\/strong><\/p>\n

At all costs, balk at anything bearing a sequence of three sixes\u2014an address, hotel suite number, route number, flight number, part of a license plate or telephone number, even a price tag or lottery ticket displaying three consecutive sixes! And definitely steer clear of anyone sporting a \u201c666\u201d tattoo! Generally, abnegate anything and anyone connected in any way with that number! You\u2019ll have a devil of a time unless you do! And that means this entry, by the way; why are you still reading this one? Stop! Right now<\/em>! It may already be too late!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

7) FACE FACTS!<\/strong><\/p>\n

When you\u2019ve reached the point of strapping your welt- and blister-covered adolescent daughter to her bed as she hurls both vulgarities and vomit in your direction, you must face the fact that the situation is well beyond<\/em> the involvement of her school\u2019s guidance counselor! And don\u2019t bother dialing your local health clinic to schedule an appointment with a medical specialist; call the nearest diocese and ask to be connected to the Department of Exorcisms!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Similarly, if a cabal of Satanists shows up at your baby shower to fawn over your newborn son, you need to face the fact that Junior is the son of Satan and his \u201cTerrible Two\u2019s\u201d are going to be \u201cH\u201d-\u201cE\u201d- double hockey sticks!<\/p>\n

8) GET OUT OF TOWN!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Should you take a wrong turn and in due course happen upon a small, dusty, deserted town in the middle of nowhere, consider that there is probably a good reason for said hamlet being deserted! Do not under any circumstances stop to see if there\u2019s someone around who might be able to give you directions back to the main highway! Step on the gas and keep going, as fast as you can, easing up on the accelerator only when you are well outside of town limits.<\/p>\n

Make certain, when planning your travel itinerary, to bypass towns like Amityville, Haddonfield, Derry, Twin Peaks, Wayward Pines, Sleepy Hollow, Burkittsville, Hawkins, Eerie, Cuesta Verde, Santa Mira, Sunnydale, Bodega Bay, Antonio Bay, Mystic Falls, Bon Temps, Midwich, Dunwich, Innsmouth, Arkham, of specific note for you ladies, Stepford, and finally, Night Vale.<\/p>\n

As a general rule, steer clear of any off-the-beaten-track, rural enclave, particularly if located in Maine, or if, upon entering town, you can hear the distinct twang of banjo strings being plucked! Nothing good will come of stopping for gas or to get a bite to eat at the local diner! Skedaddle but quick!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

9) DON\u2019T GO LOOKING FOR TROUBLE IN THE WOODS!<\/strong><\/p>\n

You and your friends should eschew equipping yourselves with GoPros for a hike into the Maryland countryside looking for witches! The footage you\u2019d shoot is likely to be the only thing that would survive such an excursion! Instead, stay home and watch reruns of Bewitched<\/em>!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

On a related note, you youngsters should at no time hazard a bike ride out to the local graveyard or the old, abandoned house at the end of the street on some foolhardy double-dare! And don\u2019t go looking to solve any longstanding, spooky neighbourhood mysteries, either! Whatever the rumours may be about what happened that night all those years ago is probably all just a lot of hooey, anyway! Don\u2019t be sticking your nose into business that doesn\u2019t concern you! You\u2019re not in a Scooby-Doo<\/em> episode, for Heaven\u2019s sake! Just play ball hockey on the driveway or something, and make sure you come in as soon as the street lights are turned on!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

10) PRECLUDE HOLIDAY HORRORS!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Everyone needs an interlude, from time to time, for rest and recreation; a little downtime, a break from the day-to-day, an opportunity to get away from it all and unwind! Organize your get-away, by all means, but be mindful that bizarre and frightening peril very often arises precisely while you are on vacation!<\/p>\n

To avert potentially finding yourself in a deleterious predicament, exercise some basic cautions when planning your sabbatical as you do not wish to find yourself up the proverbial creek without a paddle! Live by the Boy Scout motto: Be Prepared! For example, when packing for your trip, always include a well-stocked first-aid kit. Make sure that your principal mode of transportation, whether airline, cruise line, rail or bus line, comes highly recommended and boasts an outstanding safety record. Should you intend to employ your own or a friend\u2019s camper, have the vehicle thoroughly checked by a reliable mechanic before departure to insure that it\u2019s in good working order, the aim, here, being to minimize the chances of your breaking down somewhere along the route on dangerous ground with no means of engineering a quick exit.\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

But perhaps most importantly, plan ahead so as not to wind up in uninviting territory to begin with! As a general rule, if travelling on the Continent, give Transylvania a wide berth! Detour around the slopes of cloud-enveloped Mount Trollenberg, too! If voyaging by sea, travel through the Bermuda Triangle is not prescribed under any circumstances! Never charter passage on either the Lady Ann<\/em> or the Mary Celeste<\/em>, and plot a course around such atolls as Skull Island and Isla Nublar! Avoid Scotland\u2019s island of Summerisle, as well! Stay out of Japan\u2019s Aokigahara Forest, and on no occasion board the KTX to Busan! When considering hostelry, never book a cabin at Camp Crystal Lake or make reservations to bed-and-breakfast at Exham Priory! By no means ever<\/em> check in to the Bates Motel or the Overlook Hotel, from either of which it is exceedingly improbable that you will ever check out!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

11) DON\u2019T GO IN THE HOUSE!<\/strong><\/p>\n

If your car breaks down or runs out of gas one night on a lonely road in a region with no cellphone service, do<\/em> not<\/em> hike up the road a ways to that old ramshackle house to ask if you can use their landline in order to call for a tow. Use your head, man! It\u2019s a hoary, dilapidated building, a derelict dwelling probably uninhabited, and even if someone does live there, they almost certainly do not have a functioning phone! But if you choose to ignore this advice and find yourself standing on the porch wondering why nobody answered the front door when you knocked, take this gift of an opportunity to correct your error and sprint forthwith back to your vehicle! Should you opt, instead, to foolishly continue with your reckless course of action and, upon trying that rickety front door, find that it isn\u2019t locked, positively do<\/em> not<\/em> enter the house! If you insist<\/em> on entering, be sure that you\u2019re wearing your brown pants! But now would be a good time to turn and bolt back to your car, jump in, roll up the windows, and engage the door locks, after which you may wish to cower in the back seat under a blanket until sunrise!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

12) DON\u2019T GO DOWN INTO THE BASEMENT!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Never search for your missing friend in a dark, dank basement, especially if you are alone and the power has gone out during a raging thunderstorm! But if you must, carry a working lantern or flashlight with fresh batteries installed, not a candle that can easily gutter and extinguish at the slightest exhalation of fetid breath wafting from the unholy maw of the tall, dark, and hideous thing that may inhabit that basement!<\/p>\n

And while we\u2019re discussing this topic, be careful on those invariably creaky staircases that lead down to basements, for you risk escape-impeding injury! Should one of the rotting wooden steps collapse under your weight, you\u2019ll plummet through, your fall broken only by the putrid, decaying carcass of something, or someone<\/em>, under those stairs! Play it safe and stay out of basements altogether!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

13) DON\u2019T TOUCH THAT!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Never handle any strange, pulsating goop that you\u2019ve discovered in a secret laboratory, next to a meteorite crater, or around a ruptured barrel clearly marked as a container of toxic waste! The government has people for that sort of thing, so don\u2019t let your curiosity get the better of you. Remember that age-old proverb involving the fate of curious cats, and note that you do not benefit from having nine lives! \"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

14) NO MAGIC WORDS OF THE DARK VARIETY!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Never open any dusty old tome on the cover of which is inscribed a pentagram, or specifically, the title \u201cNecronomicon.\u201d But if you do injudiciously crack the spine on said book, under no circumstances<\/em> attempt to carry out any of the exercises outlined in any chapter, or read aloud any incantations therein, even as a joke! Basically, do not attempt to translate ancient writings that may result in the opening of a portal to Hell!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

15) NEVER PLAY GAMES WITH THE FORCES OF EVIL!<\/strong><\/p>\n

If your old Ouija Board or Magic 8-Ball begins to actually<\/em> work, toss the game away quickly and vamoose! Don\u2019t<\/em> ask \u201cjust one more question,\u201d for the answer will, in all likelihood, spell your doom!<\/p>\n

16) GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!<\/strong><\/p>\n

If the police call to inform you that they\u2019ve managed to trace those threatening crank phone calls you\u2019ve been getting all evening, and that the calls are coming from within the very house in which you now stand, make immediately for the front door and flee screaming into the street! The kids asleep upstairs? You\u2019re just the babysitter, not a hero! Look, it\u2019s not like their parents agreed to danger pay or anything like that! You don\u2019t get paid enough for this shit as it is.\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Still on the theme of domiciles, if the walls of your new house suddenly start bleeding, recognize that you have a serious<\/em> problem<\/em>! This is not the unfortunate result of your having used discounted wallpaper paste that has now liquefied in this humidity, nor the fluke confluence of mismatched chemicals in your primer and semi-gloss that have reacted with each other and caused the paint to run! Occum\u2019s Razor, people!\u2014of any given set of explanations for an occurrence, the simplest is most likely the correct one. So this is obviously the result of evil demonic forces at play in your living room! Don\u2019t just stand there wondering what brand of household cleaning fluid will get that stain out! Even if you were to call in a priest to bless it, your bottle of Mr. Clean cannot help you, here! Vacate the premises without delay!<\/p>\n

Never take any bet that involves your spending the night in an antediluvian, cobweb-enshrouded Victorian-style manor! Also, if household appliances suddenly start switching on by themselves, it\u2019s got nothing to do with the wiring. Don\u2019t waste valuable minutes checking your fuse box, just get the eff out of the house!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

And always remember that oft-cited axiom about the most important factor with regard to real estate: location, location, location! So keep that in mind when listening to the real estate agent\u2019s sales pitch. Regardless of the owner having substantially dropped his asking price\u2014a red flag if ever there was one!\u2014do not sign a contract to purchase a house that you discover was once owned by Satanists, or was the site of a gruesome murder a few years ago, or was built atop an old Indian burial ground, or next to a river into which an unprincipled chemical products manufacturer upstream has surreptitiously dumped toxic waste for years, thereby inducing ghastly mutations in the local fauna! Politely thank the agent for his time and get out of Dodge!<\/p>\n

17) SORRY, BUT NO SEX!<\/strong><\/p>\n

This one is specific to you teenagers, and while it is a lot to ask, consider that your very lives are at stake! Fact is, sexually active teenagers, principally young girls of the babysitting, cheerleading, sorority, or summer camp-counselor persuasion, are like catnip to mute, monochromatically dressed strangers exhibiting a particularly lethal skill with any of the following items: axe, machete, carving knife, pneumatic hammer, power drill, welding torch, Sunbeam Mixmaster, and most especially, chainsaw! They are not<\/em> fun dates!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

These guys usually have a record of savage butchery, and have often recently escaped from an asylum for the criminally insane. They tend to display an elevated level of physical strength, and demonstrate an uncanny capacity for surviving any assault on their person by their desperate, struggling victims. Repeated clubbing with a blunt instrument, being run over by a car, set aflame, or multiple gunshot wounds seem not to bother these dudes terribly much!<\/p>\n

Exercise the same caution around any small-town Billy-Bob who seems a little slow and whose family, according to the locals, \u201clive just outside of town, mostly keep to themselves, and don\u2019t bother nobody!\u201d<\/p>\n

18) WHEN YOU THINK IT\u2019S OVER, IT ISN\u2019T!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Miraculously, you\u2019ve somehow managed to survive your confrontation with the nightmarishly savage blade-wielding fiend that has been stalking you and your friends all night, and have just heroically struck the brute a killing blow, leaving him prone and motionless on the ground at your feet! \u201cIs he dead?\u201d your sobbing, pretty, female co-survivor and potential new girlfriend will surely ask. You must resist the understandable urge, in your newfound role as her brave protector, to turn your attention away from the beastly hellion towards the girl and respond in the affirmative, for the brute is almost certainly not at all<\/em> dead! It is unfailingly at this very moment of inattention to your foe that he will suddenly spring up, grab you firmly by the throat, lifting you right up off the ground, and fatally run you through with his weapon! So what have we learned, here?\u2014never<\/em> get close enough to see if the murderous psycho is still breathing, because if you do, you won\u2019t be for much longer!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

To avoid this scenario playing out as above described, you must remember, immediately after having struck your blow, to quickly back well away and in one fluid motion, turn and race off like a scared rabbit, thus giving yourself a valuable head start over your female companion! She probably wasn\u2019t going to go out with you, anyway.<\/p>\n

19) MOVE AWAY!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Should a tall, dark-haired man accompanied by a petite, stunningly attractive woman with shoulder-length auburn locks knock on your door flashing FBI badges wishing to question you about unusual goings-on in your neighbourhood, move to another neighbourhood!\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Next Post: 1:00PM<\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

At this very moment, the club is holding its annual Super Sci-Fi Book Sale at our downtown meeting locale. As such, there is no interactive ZOOM-chat component included with this month\u2019s MonSFFA event. But for our out-of-town club members and friends, we do offer today, here online, a few Halloween-themed items of interest, culled from … Continue reading MonSFFA’s Halloween Special – Post 1 of 4<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":435,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-33560","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33560","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/435"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=33560"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33560\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":33568,"href":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33560\/revisions\/33568"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=33560"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=33560"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monsffa.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=33560"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}